By Vivian Cruz-Jones

Vivian is a Registered Nurse with 45 years of nursing experience.  She retired, one year ago, from the McGuire VA Medical Center, after 27 years of dedicated service.  After retirement she and her husband re-located from Virginia to Florida to be closer to their son and his family.  She enjoys volunteering, reading, relaxing, and spending time with her new friends but most of all she delights in the time spent with her grandchildren.  Vivian states, today more than ever, she truly believe in the statement “The meaning of Life is to give Life meaning”.

Retirement: the action or fact of leaving one's job and ceasing to work.

Before I retired, this statement, literally, was the only thought I had about retirement. I had visions of time being my own; I was going to do what I wanted, when I wanted, without obligations to anyone. I was planning to relocate to the Sunshine State to spend lazy days on the beach and live my best life. Over the years, I crafted a sound financial plan so as not to be worried about a strict budget while on a fixed income. With all bases covered (or so I thought), I felt that life would be wonderful - I would be fulfilled and finally able to live my dream. What I am learning is that retirement, for me, has proven to be an unpredictable journey. Retirement has taken me on a deep excursion into self-reflection to determine who I am, and what I want to do with the rest of my life. Without my Nursing Career,  having the “work” routine, and the built-in socialization, I quickly discovered that I needed a balance of both labor and leisure.

As a Registered nurse, I was proud to be included in one of the most respected and trusted fields, as a great portion of my nursing career was spent as an employee of the Department of Veteran Affairs.  Not only was I proud of being a nurse, but my most satisfying work was also as a VA Nurse. I enjoyed working with Veterans, hearing their stories, and making a difference in their lives - going to work every day gave me a purpose. Not only did this work give me a sense of satisfaction, but I also found a sense of camaraderie amongst my peers and managers. There was built-in socialization, support, and encouragement; the people in my workplace easily became not just my friends, but also part of my family. Together we were able to share both pleasant and challenging times. In retirement, both my purpose (work) and security (family/friends) were lost. My time, each and every minute of it, was my own but…how was I going to give my life meaning? 

After the brief period of rest and relaxation ended, I began to feel anxious and listless. One day blurred into the next and I was no longer happy or enjoying my life. I definitely was not excited about being retired - my idea of retirement was no longer my reality. I knew what I had planned my retirement to be but life and circumstance had other ideas. When I first started planning my retirement, there was no COVID-19. I had plans of continuing to use my nursing experience volunteering with the Red Cross, where I would travel, spend lazy days at the beach, continue membership with the American Legion and NOVA (Nurses Organization of Veteran Affairs) as an Emeritus.  With COVID, everything changed - Red Cross was not accepting new volunteers and was even cutting back on some of their programs. There were many precautions and restrictions regarding travel, so I was not eager to go to the beach or be around new people. 

I began soul-searching my retirement goal(s). . I paused, took the time to reflect, and found out a few important things about myself. I didn’t have to fill each day with business and I don’t have to feel guilty about it.  I know that I still have something to give and have found a way that uses my nursing skills without being obligated to the everyday routine of “work”.  By slowing down, I have gained a deeper connection with my spirituality which has calmed me.  I joined a neighborhood walking group not only for socialization but also for exercise. 

This unpredictable journey of Retirement has taken me in many different directions. It has taken me out of my comfort zone, allowing me to experience new adventures and opportunities.  I have learned to embrace this new life and its possibilities. I have learned to relax and enjoy – without guilt.  Most importantly I have learned to appreciate and be grateful for each and every moment.